after all its easier
being alone is easier after all. im selfish i know so perhaps i should just stay alone
im generous in all wrong ways im loving to a point
sometimes i wish i could stop loving so fiercely to avoid hurting everyone
maybe emotion is dangerous maybe you can be too close maybe things arent meant to be
i just want to lie down for a bit in an open field away from cities and towns where they’re in no danger from me
im lying on a bench again staring up at the sky hoping the clouds will drop an answer down a call for help (phone-a-friend) a lifeline
i dont think ive had suicidal thoughts but there are times when i wish to lie prone, a comfortable position, in a quiet spot where i can feed the next generation
i dont hurt many only the ones i love most im delicate with strangers careful with enemies a callous idiot with the dearest
sometimes i doubt my ability to love that is, i dont think i do it very well and yet i feel so much of it because clearly im doing something wrong if everyone around me isnt happy clearly its a sign from the world
this is around the time id like to remember a quote from a friend, an offhand comment, really, that stuck with me through all these years words that sound like something they said just to say it in the moment and grow roots over time and become something that tethers a life
something intimate and a tad bit corny with just the right dose of melancholy but no, i dont remember anything like that and really, that’s the problem isnt it? do i love enough to remember these small moments of love in my life already?